The Gift of Safety: How Self-Regulation Changes Everything for Your Child

By Ginger Juel

I don’t have children of my own, but I was raised by two people who were caught in deep survival mode — and often substance use. Growing up, love was present, but so was volatility. There was chaos. Shutdown. High highs and low lows. I learned to move through life scanning for threat, even in safe places. I made decisions from fear, not freedom.

I don’t share this to shame or blame my parents. I know now they were doing the best they could with what they had. But what they had was a dysregulated nervous system — wired for survival, not safety. That reality shaped every cell of who I became. And I’ve been doing the work ever since to rewire it.

Nervous System Work Isn’t Self-Help — It’s Legacy Work

The way we show up in our bodies — calm or tense, available or shut down — affects everyone around us. Especially children. Especially the ones learning what “safe” feels like for the first time.

A parent’s nervous system becomes the child’s blueprint. If you want to teach your child emotional resilience, confidence, and connection — your nervous system has to show them what that feels like.

That doesn’t mean being calm all the time. It means being self-aware, responsive, and willing to regulate yourself before trying to regulate your child.

I Was Raised by Survival

When adults are stuck in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn — even if they’re trying their best — it teaches kids to live in defense mode. I learned to read microexpressions before I even knew my own feelings. I learned to shape-shift instead of speak up.

That doesn’t make my parents villains. It makes them unhealed. And I say this with love: the unhealed parts of us don’t disappear when we become parents — they just get handed down.

But here’s the hopeful part: that cycle can stop.

You Can Be the Turning Point

You don’t need a degree in neuroscience. You don’t need to be perfectly calm. You don’t need to get it right every time.

But if you learn to pause before reacting,
To stay present when things get uncomfortable,
To come back to your breath,
To apologize when your stress spills over —

Your child gets to learn that safety isn’t the absence of conflict. It’s the presence of repair.

They get to feel what I didn’t:
“My parent sees me. I’m safe here. I don’t have to manage them.”

Both Things Can Be True

Maybe you’re a parent who didn’t grow up with this. Maybe no one taught you how to regulate.
And maybe you’re already doing better than what you had. That’s powerful.

But nervous system work takes it even further — not out of shame, but because you and your child deserve to feel safe, supported, and steady.

You don’t have to be perfect. Just present. Just willing.
And that changes everything.

Final Word

Regulation isn’t about never getting overwhelmed — it’s about coming back.
It’s about building a relationship with your body, your triggers, your breath — so you can be more available to the people you love.

This work isn't a trend. It’s a gift. It’s a legacy shift.
If you want to be a better parent — not just in theory, but in your child’s lived experience — start with your own nervous system.

You’ll feel the difference. And so will they.

Reflection….

Growing up, calm people stood out like mythical creatures to me—rare, fascinating, a little suspicious. Our family moved fast. We talked fast. We interrupted, we overlapped, we escalated. I remember telling my aunts once that calm people “sounded like turtles,” and we all laughed. It became part of the running joke: we were high-speed people in a high-speed family, always moving, always on edge.

But those rare blips—those tiny, passing encounters with someone grounded and slow—always stayed with me. I didn’t have the language for it at the time, but I felt it: safety. Spaciousness. The opposite of panic.

As an adult, I met Hilary at Indwelling. From the moment she floated into our first session, something in me softened. She didn’t rush. She didn’t fill space to manage discomfort. Her energy didn’t demand anything. It just was. Every time I’ve seen her since, she’s modeled what a regulated nervous system can feel like—light, present, grounded without being heavy. That energy became my reference point. My roadmap. My north star.

That’s what I want to offer now—for my sister and brother, for my future self, for anyone who's never known what calm actually feels like in the body. For those of us raised in noise, fear, and tension, regulation isn’t just a wellness goal. It’s a completely new language. And learning it—embodying it—has changed everything for me.

This is the energy I want to pass on. Not perfection. Not performative calm. Just real, steady presence. The kind that tells people:
“You don’t have to brace right now. You’re safe here.”

Ginger Juel is a multidisciplinary artist, educator, and public speaker who brings raw truth and grounded insight to conversations about growing up as the child of addicted parents. Drawing from her own lived experience as the daughter of two parents navigating meth addiction, Ginger speaks candidly about the long-term impact of dysregulation, survival-based parenting, and inherited fear.

With clarity and compassion, she bridges personal narrative with practical tools — making the case that nervous system regulation isn’t just helpful for parents, it’s essential. Ginger offers an empowering lens: that breaking generational patterns starts not with blame, but with embodiment, repair, and new choices.

Her talks are accessible, emotionally resonant, and rooted in possibility — making her an unforgettable presence in conversations about trauma, parenting, and healing.

Speaking Topics Covered

• Raised on survival: Healing after growing up with addicted parents
  A personal and powerful talk on navigating the emotional impact of growing up in a home shaped by addiction. I share lived experience, insights on fear-based wiring, and tools for breaking cycles with compassion and self-trust.

• Your nervous system is the parent, not your words
  This talk explores how children absorb energy and regulation more than instructions. I guide caregivers through understanding their own nervous system patterns and how to build emotional safety from the inside out.

• Fear-based decision making: Recognizing the inheritance and rewriting the script
  For anyone raised in chaos, fear becomes the default. I unpack how that shows up in adult life—work, relationships, creativity—and offer grounded strategies to begin shifting toward choice, freedom, and trust.

• The legacy we leave in our bodies: Somatics, trauma, and generational patterns
  Our bodies carry what our families never named. I speak to the physical imprint of trauma, the role of the nervous system in healing, and how creating inner safety becomes a powerful act of breaking generational cycles.

• You don’t have to be perfect, but you do have to be regulated
  This talk meets parents where they are, without shame. I offer realistic tools to help overwhelmed caregivers find nervous system support, model self-regulation, and raise kids who feel safe, seen, and emotionally supported.

I share from a place of ongoing struggle—reaching out to my parents for support, only to be met with silence or chaos, even as they walk the path of sobriety. Their inner storms still ripple through our connection, reminding me how deeply trauma lives beneath the surface. But I hold onto hope that one day they will recognize this work as the greatest gift—a way to heal not just themselves but our whole family. Until then, I’m committed to this journey, believing that understanding and regulation can break cycles and create new legacies of safety and love.